Hello fellow readers!
I know we usually keep shower thoughts happy and bubbly, but I have been going through a break up and I can't get it off of my mind.
I am miserable.
I am trying to put on a smile like I am perfectly okay.
On the outside, I may be able to pull it off. But on the inside, where nobody can see, my heart is tearing itself apart.
I still live with him...yes I live with my ex boyfriend, because;
One, I don't have the heart to take our baby girl away from him, she'd be coming with me.
Two, I don't have a place to go that's in the same state.
It's hard to be okay, to act like it doesn't kill me inside. I know we have all been there once, or twice, or even three times.
Heart break isn't fun.
I'm okay during the day, but once it becomes bedtime, I climb into bed and just lay there feeling all the jumbled emotions come to the surface.
With all of the overwhelming feelings circulating through my brain, and confusing the hell out of me, I can't fall asleep.
It's been like this since Sunday and I just want this stalemate to end. It feels like a constant war is raging inside of my body to the point where I physically feel sick.
We are trying to work on things.
We are single but not on the market.
We can kiss and this and that, but it's all so weird and awkward for me.
We haven't said those three words that we used to say multiple times a day, for four days.
It hurts and it is frustrating.
I'll be sitting across from him trying not to cry and he sits there laughing and talking to his friends while playing video games looking like he's absolutely fine!
WHAT IS THAT???
Am I the only one completely crushed from this?
Is he honestly okay?
If it hurts him why won't he show it?
When does this miserable mess end?
Will we get back together?
Or will I be leaving state, with our daughter, to start all over again?
Who knows at this point, and it is driving me absolutely insane.
Anyone who is going through a tough time with their other half, I'm here.
I know the struggle of putting on a fake smile, when all you really want to do is pound their chest, over and over again with your fists, and ask them…
Why?
What did I do?
What didn't I do?
Was it something I said?
I know this is a heavy topic but here at kRazy kAtz we are always going to be authentic with you guys, we are real people who deal with real life the same as you.
We are here for you if y'all need to vent and need someone to lean on.
I Love y'all. Keep it real...until next time.
-Eliza